Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
