tell your sister to shave her snatch
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
