well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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