Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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