I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
