My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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