Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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