so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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