No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
