Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
