Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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