she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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