Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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