We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
