Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
