honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
