My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
