dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think my moral compass just broke
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize