it hurts more in the daytime
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
