As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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