then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
