he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
