U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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