I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
