Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
