he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my shit smells like andre
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
