does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
