too bad you live with your parents still
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
