I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
