Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
