Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize