For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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