i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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