Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Send help, water and tortillas.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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