Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
