Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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