there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
