Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
