That's when you crack a 10am beer
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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