lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
