Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
