I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
