So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
