Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
