are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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