You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
