Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
