Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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