No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
And then he peed in my hair
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