To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
