i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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