It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I want is dick and wine.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
