this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she told me i tasted like america
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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