i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
