and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
