Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
