And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
