Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize