That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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