Got a toothbrush?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
