I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
