You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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