He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The adults are the big ones right?
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