i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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