she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
