you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
