I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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