she smelled like a LAN party
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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