There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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