After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Drake has all the answers
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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