someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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