We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
