Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
